I know this subject is talked to death but it is the most important one in developing any successful relationship.  Spousal, children and business partner relationships are all forged on the anvil of trust.  If the anvil is weak then the relationships will be forged in weakness and eventually fall apart.  If the anvil is strong then the relationship will be equally strong.   Think about when someone asks you, “Do you trust that person?”  That’s a strong question because it also speaks to your ability to evaluate people.  So, what we are going to dig into is a few ways that you could be losing trust?

Becoming trusted also requires reciprocity, awillingness on both sides to enter into dialouge and conversation.  It takes time, because while trust may sometimes be forged in moments of great drama, it is more likely to be formed by many small, moment-to-moment encounters.

Kouzes and Posner in

I believe the quote you just read is implying that most people think about trust from this perception.  When a big event happens and we display our trustworthyness that that is it but there is also the day to day events where you could be losing your friends trust.  Worst yet you could be losing trust with yourself.

Is your behavior predictable or erratic?

I would guess that most people wouldn’t expect this question to determine your trustworthyness but let’s take a look.  Think about the person you know that is always erratic in how they respond, how they feel, or how they act.  It becomes hard to know how they will behave so that makes us uneasy.  Consistency of action and reaction is what makes people feel secure with us.  Let me give you a personal example.  I was erratic with my mood. I would let situations control my reactions.  Someone would call me while I was eating and I would answer the phone and I sounded like that person just spit on my sandwich. “Helloooooooo!”  I am sure my tone sounded like, “What are you calling me for.  Don’t you know I am eating.”  I am sure it sounded like that because that was what I was thinking.  The next time they called me I would be like, “Hello :):):):):):):)”  sounding like, “I have been waiting for you to call.”  Now, after a few times of this teeter-totter that person just stopped calling.  Whether your in business, speaking to your spouse, or  talking to your kids no one feels comfortable with erratic responses.  What areas of your life are inconsistent?  The more inconsistent we are the weaker our bond will be with people.

Do you communicate clearly or carelessly?

What we are talking about here is do you make promises and then don’t keep them.  Do you do what you say you are going to do no matter what?  This one is interesting because the people that violate it the most don’t do so intentionally, however,wether they realize it or not, they are still causing the foundation of trust to crumble.  You see, when you tell people you are going to do something, be somewhere at a certain time, have something done, etc… in your mind you might have good intentions but to the other person it was a promise.  If a promise isn’t kept then the other person starts to lose trust with you in that situation.  If it happens enough times you might start to erode their overall trust.  The key here is under-promise and over deliver.  The next step is to start determining why you do this: Are you trying to feel involved, are you a people pleaser, do you over extend yourself, not plan enough, don’t have the skill to do what is being asked of you.  Whatever the reason is we need to identify and fix it before we damage relationships.

Are we forthright and candid or are we deceptive and dishonest?

Basically are you intentionally lying or are you telling the truth.  It’s shocking how easy it is to get to the point that lying seems easier then telling the truth but in the long run it creates more havoc.  I have seen people get to the point that they lie so much they believe their own lie.  This one will obviously destroy relationships.  We need to figure out why we do it.  Are we afraid of what the other person will think? Are we afraid of what we will have to face? Have we convinced ourselves that it is easier to lie then change the thing we are lying about?  Whatever it is I can guarantee you that the statement,”The truth shall set you free” is correct.  If it wasn’t the statement wouldn’t exist.

I have been very blessed to be able to associate with people like, Orrin Woodward and Chris Brady, who have shown me what it is like to totally trust someone.  Not only what they say and do but their motives as well.  I hope you are blessed to find someone who can help you establish a firm foundation of trust.

God Bless

Bill Lewis 

15 thoughts on “Trust”

  1. “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

    “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”
    ― Stephen R. Covey

    “Peace and trust take years to build and seconds to shatter.”

    “I wanted to explain that trusting is harder than being trusted.”

    There are So MANY quotes and thoughts on trust….Love without trust is just an emotion…with trust it becomes an action! LOVE AND RESPECT is probably the best book I have ever read regarding love respect and trust….well other than the BIBLE!

    Thanks Bill….

  2. Hey Bill,
    Powerful blog, it’s got me thinking of my daily actions. Am i doing everything I can to be the leader others will follow, do they trust me? I too have been blessed, to have you come into my life and be that person who I can share my inner self with.
    Keep being the mentor and leader so many are following

  3. Thank you Bill,
    I always look for word to your blogs. Trust is something that needs work each and every day. Within the home,work, and friends to keep relationships strong.

    Nicole Allen

  4. Hi Bill & many gracious thank you’s for sharing w/ us in the blogosphere! While it is a topic that has plenty of threads (email, et al.) and pages dedicated to it – all one has to do is look at the state of our politics, governmental agencies ( think: GAO ), big corporations, mass media, and big unions to see that it still needs to resonate far & wide.

    I’ve had the great fortune to read ‘Trust’ (Csorba) & ‘Speed of Trust’ is staring at me from my book shelf right nearby where my notebook PC is 🙂

  5. Thank you Bill. You have no idea how this article has helped me right now as I was in the middle of a conflict. Thanks 🙂

  6. Thank you Bill. This blog post on trust I believe is for anyone who leads people, is in a relationship with people, or even knows people! There is so much information in this blog post! The thing I love about you guys is that you EARN peoples’ trust… so rare in today’s society. Thank you for leading from the front!
    God Bless

  7. I really enjoy reading your blog’s & listening to your CD’S because you share personal experiences that reach people going threw the same situations, and can greatly benefit from your insight. . Very well stated & thanks for your insight. I greatly appreciate your thoughts & the LIFE program.

  8. Thanks Bill. These are fantastic key questions to ask ourselves on a daily basis to ensure that we are continually growing our relationships based on the foundation of trust.

  9. I had an issue about trust. On Saturday, my wife and I went to a flooring store to purchase some hardwood flooring. A very nice lady helped us pick out some flooring. The price we were quoted was $2.00 a square foot. Monday I called to the owner who gave her the price over the phone on Saturday, and he said they wouldn’t honor that price. The new price was $3.00 a square foot and that we must have mistaken the sales lady. What is the chance we are going to buy from there. Keeping yout word is key

  10. ” The moment there is suspicion about a person’s motives, everything he does becomes tainted.” – Mahatma Gandhi

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