I know this subject is talked to death but it is the most important one in developing any successful relationship. Spousal, children and business partner relationships are all forged on the anvil of trust. If the anvil is weak then the relationships will be forged in weakness and eventually fall apart. If the anvil is strong then the relationship will be equally strong. Think about when someone asks you, “Do you trust that person?” That’s a strong question because it also speaks to your ability to evaluate people. So, what we are going to dig into is a few ways that you could be losing trust?
Becoming trusted also requires reciprocity, awillingness on both sides to enter into dialouge and conversation. It takes time, because while trust may sometimes be forged in moments of great drama, it is more likely to be formed by many small, moment-to-moment encounters.
Kouzes and Posner in
I believe the quote you just read is implying that most people think about trust from this perception. When a big event happens and we display our trustworthyness that that is it but there is also the day to day events where you could be losing your friends trust. Worst yet you could be losing trust with yourself.
Is your behavior predictable or erratic?
I would guess that most people wouldn’t expect this question to determine your trustworthyness but let’s take a look. Think about the person you know that is always erratic in how they respond, how they feel, or how they act. It becomes hard to know how they will behave so that makes us uneasy. Consistency of action and reaction is what makes people feel secure with us. Let me give you a personal example. I was erratic with my mood. I would let situations control my reactions. Someone would call me while I was eating and I would answer the phone and I sounded like that person just spit on my sandwich. “Helloooooooo!” I am sure my tone sounded like, “What are you calling me for. Don’t you know I am eating.” I am sure it sounded like that because that was what I was thinking. The next time they called me I would be like, “Hello :):):):):):)” sounding like, “I have been waiting for you to call.” Now, after a few times of this teeter-totter that person just stopped calling. Whether your in business, speaking to your spouse, or talking to your kids no one feels comfortable with erratic responses. What areas of your life are inconsistent? The more inconsistent we are the weaker our bond will be with people.
Do you communicate clearly or carelessly?
What we are talking about here is do you make promises and then don’t keep them. Do you do what you say you are going to do no matter what? This one is interesting because the people that violate it the most don’t do so intentionally, however,wether they realize it or not, they are still causing the foundation of trust to crumble. You see, when you tell people you are going to do something, be somewhere at a certain time, have something done, etc… in your mind you might have good intentions but to the other person it was a promise. If a promise isn’t kept then the other person starts to lose trust with you in that situation. If it happens enough times you might start to erode their overall trust. The key here is under-promise and over deliver. The next step is to start determining why you do this: Are you trying to feel involved, are you a people pleaser, do you over extend yourself, not plan enough, don’t have the skill to do what is being asked of you. Whatever the reason is we need to identify and fix it before we damage relationships.
Are we forthright and candid or are we deceptive and dishonest?
Basically are you intentionally lying or are you telling the truth. It’s shocking how easy it is to get to the point that lying seems easier then telling the truth but in the long run it creates more havoc. I have seen people get to the point that they lie so much they believe their own lie. This one will obviously destroy relationships. We need to figure out why we do it. Are we afraid of what the other person will think? Are we afraid of what we will have to face? Have we convinced ourselves that it is easier to lie then change the thing we are lying about? Whatever it is I can guarantee you that the statement,”The truth shall set you free” is correct. If it wasn’t the statement wouldn’t exist.
I have been very blessed to be able to associate with people like, Orrin Woodward and Chris Brady, who have shown me what it is like to totally trust someone. Not only what they say and do but their motives as well. I hope you are blessed to find someone who can help you establish a firm foundation of trust.