Tag Archives: orrin woodward team

What foundation are you building on ?

This post will include some of my thoughts and ideas but I have also attached an article from Orrin Woodward Team / Life that is a great article on how he has position the TeamLife business.  It also ties into my post and goes deeper into how some other business choose to operate when they are threatened with real competition.  Click this link for Orrins full article called – Dreams Dramas and Creative Destruction.

Two days ago something happened that has happened many times to me but it never seizes to amaze me.  The allure of the fast buck, the get rich quick, you don’t have to do much to make money here, the success should be simple and easy thoughts.  There is a gentlemen that I was helping start his LIfe business.  I stopped by his house to pick something up and after we finished I asked ,”Why haven’t we seen you around.”  His reply,”To be honest, we have been very busy but we are part of another business now.”  Him choosing to be part of  another business does not bother me at all and I hope everyone finds a way to help themselves and their family become successful.  The statement that followed is what I want to write about.  His next comment was,” THEY ARE GIVING MONEY AWAY.”  Well if they are giving money away then sign me up for that!

Un-fortunently there are 2 major issues with that statement.

1. If anyone promises you quick or easy success then you can guarantee that its false.

2. He is basing his thoughts on the good-looking building instead of the foundation.

Our whole society has been brainwashed to think that success should be easy, simple and they should give money away.  I have read many books about successful leaders and personally meet many successful people and never have I heard them say that success was easy or quick.  The process of winning is always tough and full of challenges.  Hopefully that should get you excited because that means not everyone will take that road.

One of the first things it takes to be successful is to make a commitment to what you are doing.  Now the level of your commitment may grow deeper as you get farther into the process but you have to make some base level commitments to succeed.  In the Team / Life business there are some basic steps.  Attend all open and seminar meetings.  Listen to cd’s and start to read 15 minutes per day.  Show the plan and try to show 15 plans per month.  These will get your business vehicle moving and will allow you team to start steering you in the right direction.  To do these steps may require you to make some schedule changes, find some babysitters, sacrifice some hobbies or television time.  THis may also cause you to have to communicate with your spouse.  That is always fun to watch 🙂

The second part of our discussion is the most critical one.  What is the foundation that the company is built on.  If a company is giving money away, do the math.  Our government is the only source that can continue to print money and give it away.  Successful business cannot operate that way.  These get rich quick business’s never last and almost always end up getting shut down and damage the people who were lured with, make money quick and easy.  You have to look at the character of the individuals that are running the company to get a good perspective on what will happen in the future.

Les Csorba in his book called Trust states, ” Leaders are worthy of trust for at least 3 reasons.  First, they develop a track record of credibility and reliability over a long period.  Second, they do not make bad decisions willfully or consciously.  Third, they almost always act and lead with wisdom and integrity.”

I have been in business for 13 years with Orrin Woodward and Chris Brady and seen them live up to those expectations.  That is why I continue to follow them.  I hope you find your vehicle for success and be one of the few that will make a commitment and stick to it.

God Bless

Team Orrin Woodward – Life Risk, ups and downs

Hey gang.  I know I haven’t written a new article but why when Orrin keeps putting out great ones.  This is a great article to evaluate the up side –  down side of  the team biz.  My decision was a little easier then Orrin Woodward’s or Chris Brady’s because I didn’t have a great career going i was just getting by.  Hope you enjoy and I will posting new very soon.  Bill Lewis

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When I worked at Delphi division of GM, I completed half the classes for a Master’s degree in Business Administration from the University of Michigan. Although I received good grades and enjoyed the classes, I stopped pursuing my MBA in order to build my own business.

Many thought I was crazy to quit my MBA, but I just had a feeling that it was time for me to build my own business rather than continue to learn about business. In truth, I was ready to implement some of the principles that I had learned along with continuing my education in “the school of hard knocks”. :)

One of the best principles that I learned through my MBA program was to study business by asking two questions when studying any business:

1. What is the downside risk?
2. What is the upside reward?Team Orrin Woodward picture

Simply put, if the downside risk was too great, then don’t do it, because it could capsize the entire ship. However, if the a person could handle the worst case downside risk, and the upside reward was big enough, then perhaps it was a business venture worth committing to.

It was these two questions asked and answered that led me out of school and into my own business venture. What is ironic today, as I look back on Laurie and my business ventures is the level of risk taken in our former business model compared to the risk today for someone joining LIFE. Remember, Laurie and I were dead broke even as an engineer and an accountant. In fact, we were beyond broke, having consumer debt amounting to over $30,000 when we started our networking careers!

With monthly expenditures to buy 100 points of volume in my old networking company requiring Laurie and I to spend $300 dollars or more, we barely endured. This was quite a blow to an already stretched budget. Along with the product purchases, the investment in CDs, books, and seminars (all of which I loved) totaled another $200 plus dollars per month. In other words, on top of a stretched budget, Laurie and I had to budget for another $500 dollars per month minimum! The downside investment nearly killed us for the first several years. Thankfully, Laurie and I are both long-term thinkers and kept the vision in front of us. However, many of the people we started with us did not have the same endurance, dropping out along the journey to success.

What kept Laurie and I focused was the upside reward, we figured we could make an extra $25,000 after expenses in a couple of years. It’s laughable now how much work we did in a model whose highest rewards topped out at 25% volume discount on total group volumes of $20-30k per month. I know, I know, this is sounding like one of those stories: we walked uphill both ways to school through heavy snow. :)   Even so, these are the facts we were dealing with.

I am not knocking networking. In fact, I am thankful that someone had created any opportunity for us to apply our sweat equity towards freedom. We had to make many changes, both personally and professionally to get the business rolling, but eventually, we made it happen. To this day, many people around the world utilize the TEAM system of building, called team approach to grow their businesses. I take this as a compliment for our years of effort in improving the upside reward compared to the downside risk for our entire industry.

Today with the LIFE business, the downside risk versus the upside reward is nothing short of revolutionary. A person can sign up for the LIFE and LLR subscriptions, and generate 100 points for $100.  This, in my opinion, is much better than some networking companies, where you buy commodity products at inflated prices, especially if a person can buy comparable products at Walmart and Target for significantly less. In LIFE, a person can purchase the lowest cost leadership materials on the market from the only company that has two leaders on the Top 30 Leadership Guru list.

How can we offer our material at the best price and yet have a compensation plan that pays 50% on just the first type of bonus? The simple answer is the founders desire to influence the world is greater than the desire to pad their pocketbooks. Imagine if we took world-class leadership materials and provided it at the lowest prices. Then, imagine taking 70% of all the revenue points generated and flowing it back to the people who helped LIFE launch the leadership revolution. Remember, in LIFE, your pay raise becomes effective as soon as you do. :)

So what is the downside risk in this model? Hmm, let me think. . . The downside risk is that you might not enjoy the leadership training from two best selling leadership authors and business partners. If at any time you do not see the value in the leadership materials, you have a 30 day “no questions asked” return policy. Certainly within 30 days, you could discover whether the leadership materials is helping you or not, right?

The downside risk is negligible. But what about the upside reward? With a compensation plan that pays out 70% revenue points to anyone who achieves a minimum of 150 points of business, the networking game is changed forever. For example, Laurie and I personally started a new leg on November 4th. It has already achieved the 20% bracket and is easily going to hit the 25% bracket later this week. It took me two years to hit the 25% bracket in my first company!

Why the huge difference? Because we have a digital age business, a compensation plan that rewards people at the low end, and founders who desire the wealth to flow to people who build the network, not found the company.  Another factor is the demand for quality leadership materials at an affordable price point. LIFE has already signed up hundreds of customers doing tens of thousands of points, making volume accumulation easier than ever before in my networking experience.

I have taken my share of criticism for not going along with the herd in networking. I have refused repeatedly to sell out my character for conveniences. This has cost me money, time, and relationships over the years, since, in my opinion, some of my former heroes chose to sell out rather than fight for what is right.  Anytime someone desires to change the rules of the future, he will be attacked by the protectors of the past. I have received, and will continue receiving personal attacks for changing the rules. However, although they can attack my reputation, they cannot touch my character. Better they criticize me than I be them. The only people calling LIFE a scam are fearful competitors. :) Make no mistake, I will never surrender my principles for peace. I believe it’s better to create the new, rather than criticize the old.

If you have ever tried networking and didn’t make it work, then welcome to the club. Millions of Americans and Canadians have tried networking and failed in their attempt. This doesn’t make you a failure unless you blamed someone else. LIFE has changed the risk versus reward ratio to such an extent that many are achieving success who previously only struggled.

For example, my yacht captain, Bill Howard, is already at the 40% bracket and just a sliver away from the 45% bracket. We were quickly calculating his bonus for this month at around $800. Remember, Captain Bill has been in networking since 2005 and has averaged $50 or less per month with his highest one month check around $250!  Like I said, LIFE is a game-changer.

Alright, it’s time for me to get back to work. I have promises to keep. It’s time to reach one million people with leadership truth in the 8F’s of LIFE.  A rising tide lifts all the ships on the water. Don’t you think it’s time to get your ship on the water? Sincerely, Orrin Woodward

Orin Woodward Team – Thoughts on Life circle

Orrin of the-team.biz has come up with another great illustration to describe the 8F growth process.  I have seen a simliar diagram used to visually show improvement in a persons golf game.  These kind of diagram are great because they give an immediate feedback on how you are doing.  bill lewis

Chris Brady and I flew up to Atlanta for a 6 hour mastermind session on Tuesday. Here is one of many concepts that were generated from brainstorming together. Generating ideas with Chris Brady is like drinking water from a firehose – fast and furious! :) I love our 17 year business partnership! LIFE is something special and I have never felt as good about community building as I do today. Laurie and I started a new leg 10 days ago and it is now over 10 levels in depth! The LIFE Business is good because it helps people become good in their Circle of LIFE. Here is Brady’s article explaining what our products do in a person’s life. Sincerely, Orrin Woodward

I had a very engaging conversation with my friend and co-author Orrin Woodward today.  As usual, we kicked around a ton of stimulating ideas and pieced together something that, in our estimation, will immediately convey greater understanding as to the purpose of the LIFE business.  (See the inset diagram).

The Circle of Life picture

In each of the 8 F categories of Faith, Family, Finances, Fitness, Following, Freedom, Friendship, and Fun, one can imagine a certain grade based upon how one is doing in that category. In the diagram the center represents horrible, as in, you are totally “stinking up the joint” (as my kids say) in a certain category. Working your way out from the center to the outer ring in any of the categories represents a stronger grade.  So someone with a dot near the outer ring is doing well in that category.  By connecting the dots on your subjective personal estimation of your life at this moment in each of the categories you can come up with a shape that roughly represents your life right now in each of the 8Fs.

Quite simply, the LIFE business supplies life-changing information to help you increase your score in each of the 8Fs.  The goal is to take someone from the not-so-good black shape represented toward the center of the diagram to the much improved (and happier, we would think) life represented by the red outline toward the outer ring of the circle.

Who doesn’t have at least a category or two, or three, or eight, in which he or she would like to have a better score? Who wouldn’t want to transform his or her life from the tiny blob (and who among us hasn’t felt like a tiny blob from time to time?) in the center to the big wheel (and who hasn’t wanted to be a big wheel at least once in his or her life?) toward the outer ring?

That’s it.  From little blob to big wheel.

But all kidding aside.  This CIRCLE of LIFE is the snap-shot diagram to which people can easily relate when it comes to understand the goal of LIFE and the life-changing information we offer.  We will help people learn and apply truth in each category and thereby improve their shape.

LIFE: Because leadership is for everyone!

What has happened to Americas character

I have been made aware of a recent issue in our society that has truly disturbed me to my core.  I have tuned into it because of the outrageous events that surround it.  I am talking about the Penn State college issue.  If you are not aware of the events I will update you  as much as I can.  It has come out that an assistant coach at Penn State was arrested for 40 counts of sexual abuse to at least 8 boys that range from the age of 8 to 12.   Obviously, that is disgusting enough but the other facts that surround it are a reflection of where our society is.  I understand that humans are fallen creatures and are born with sinful natures but the way people are responding to this is truly astounding.

1. Multiple people saw the acts happening

2. People are defending the people who didn’t report it

3. The fact that leaders in the college new about the incident and didn’t do the morally correct thing.

4. No one is talking about the victims

The first thing I would like to point out is that it seems that multiple people were I witnesses of crimes.  They saw the act and the action they took was to inform their boss!  They didn’t stop the act from happening, they didn’t grab a bat and assault the person doing the act, they didn’t even call the police!  What is wrong with the men in our society?  Have we been so wimp-ified that we can’t stand up and do the right thing?  That is a whole blog by itself,  about the siss-ification of the American male.  If I saw something like this, I am not sorry to say that I would have been the person in jail because I would have attacked the person doing this!  According to the “letter of the law”, they did follow “protocol”.  However, they failed to do the morally correct thing.  We are starting to live out the famous words of  C.S. Lewis

We make men without chest and expect of them virtue and enterprise.  We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the gelding be fruitful

 – the abolition of man, C.S. Lewis

The second thing that is bothering me is that many of the students, ex-players and faculty are upset that the population of America is calling for the head coaches job.  Now would be a good time to point out that the head coach also new about these acts.  We will talk about that in the next paragraph.  Have we totally lost our moral compass.  Little kids were attacked and odds are they will be mentally harmed for the rest of their life! And the students are mad that most of the population wants the coach fired.  Unbelievable!  If it was their brother, or friend or worse their son I would think they would feel different.  Our culture has been invaded with       non-judgmentalism.

Allen Wolfe, in moral freedom, argued that non-jugmentalism has become the new attitude pervading our sentiments.  We have lost our anger and have adopted an attitude of non-judgmentalism.  

The last one is the biggest failure of them all because it was a failure of leadership.  The head coach and most powerful person at the university new about the acts and failed to do the morally correct thing.  This is a reflection of what continues to plague the United States.  The leader that could have stopped all of this and could have stopped this tragedy from happening to many other young boys failed at the time of his greatest calling.  Being the all time winningest football coach will pale in comparison to this leaders lack of character when it was needed most.  A lack of character that allowed one of the worst crimes ever.

I understand that I am a fallen human and I am far from being perfect.  But every one of us knows in our heart that what happened and how the leadership reacted  is wrong!   We continue to try to take God out of our lives and it continues to get worse.  When will we realize that there are moral absolutes and when you mess with those absolutes you open the door of humanism.  The door of humanism leads to a room that is filled with the stench of human sin and the smell will only get worse if we don’t stop.

God bless those little kids and God bless you for striving to become better.

Orrin Woodward Team – thought on conflict resolution

click on link for entire article – Orrin Woodward team life 

Why is it that the greatest leaders of all-time seem to either have rabid fans or rabid critics? The answer is simple: truth polarizes. When a leader leads with his convictions, others, who do not hold the same convictions, will criticize the endeavor. Throughout history, men and women like Mother Theresa, Martin Luther, Sam Walton, Oliver Cromwell, George Washington, and Abraham Lincoln, to name a few, have received mountaintop praise and sewer-based criticisms. In fact, if a person desires to change the world, then he better build a tough skin while maintaining a soft heart, because he will be criticized! – Orrin Woodward 

I have seen this in my own LIFE.  As I went out and started my business there were many that criticized what I was doing.  I could never understand why someone would criticize a person for trying to do better and trying to get ahead.  Then one day I was at a Team leadership seminar and I heard the answer.  The speaker said that its like watching a dog that is chasing a rabbit.  The dog is running over plants, through bushes, doing everything he can to try and catch the rabbit.    If the people who were watching the dog couldn’t see the rabbit they would think the dog was crazy.  This is how some of my critics saw me.

Orrin also covers how and why conflict resolution is important.  Hope you enjoy it.

God Bless

Life Fun

Just remember gang. When things are getting tough and you’re not feeling your best.  There is always humor in the world to lighten your day.

Look forward to your comments.

Life Business is Officially Launched

The -Team.biz  and the-Life -business.com, Lead by Orrin Woodward and Chris Brady officially launched today!  It has been a very interesting journey to get to this point but it has been totally worth it.  Any leader that has ever accomplished something, they know that the journey to do something great, will have obstacles and goliath’s in your way.  ( read this with a Rocky accent ) Life is not about if and when you are going to get knocked down it’s about how hard can you get hit, get back up and move forward.  Probably the best Rocky line of all time.

The Life business is going to be a great model to help someone succeed.  The model that I started with was very different from what we have today.  But even as good as it is and even though we have tried to make it as simple as possible it does not guarantee success.  Someone can join this business and sign up for the subscriptions and not listen to them.  They will not help if they are not listened to.  Someone can listen to the cd’s and not implement what they are hearing on the cd’s.  Listening will help but taking the information and applying it will do the best.  This business is great because the door is open to anyone that wants a chance but the business cannot make someone take or do  the right steps that make the model work.  I can… guarantee that the leaders I work with will do every thing they can humanly do to help you.  Notice that I said human.  Not robot. Not a perfect person.  A human, someone who wants to help but at some point will make a mistake, will say something with a wrong tone, will forget to do something they said they were going to do.  I should probably stop telling you the things I have done 🙂 We all are human and this business succeeds with humans so something is going to go wrong.

The flip side to everything that I said is someone will get involved and not build the business but listen to the marriage pack, implement the ideas, and save their marriage.  Someone will get started and listen to the finance pack, get mentored and they will be out of debt.  Someone will get involved and not do anything for years except keep growing themselves and then one day start to explode their business and become one of the success stories.  Like a Dan and Lisa Hawkins.

I wish everyone that got involved would do what a Dan and Lisa Hawkins did, with their Life business, but we are human and we let many things sway our emotions.  The Life model will give people one of the best chances they have had for success and the worst case scenario is they will hear some great information.  Opportunity does not guarantee you success it guarantees you an opportunity.  People still come to united States ( at least for now) because they know they will have a shot.  They don’t expect easy they expect an opportunity to strive and see how hard they can get hit and keep on moving.

God Bless

How do we maintain freedom?

Orin Woodward, Chris Brady and the founders of the-Life-business have just finished their launch and it was a huge success.  There was so much recognition that anyone attending could not deny that this business model is working.  I would personally like to say congratulations to Chris and Daneae Mattis for joining the policy counsel ranks.  They have joined a very unique group that has dedicated their life to serving others.

I want to try to explain a topic that our guest speaker Oliver DeMille covered with the leadership group.  I know I will not do it justice but you can read his thoughts in his book Freedom Shift.  The diagram I am going to be referencing is what Oliver called, “speaking Anglo saxon”.  I believe what he meant was that speaking “Anglo-Saxon” is in essence understanding the ideas and thoughts that our founding fathers had in arranging the structure for the new America.  He asked us to diagram the governmental structure.  We thought we had the answer.

3 Branches pictureThen Oliver said, ” That is a good start but there is more.”  We thought we had him when we added the same 3 branches of the state government.  He drew a box underneath the federal and the state levels of government and he had us stumped.  He stated that the box underneath the federal and state governments was something that the Team was already doing.  When the founders wrote the constitution, part of everyday life was a community council.  Meaning that every community or town had a council that would legislate, execute and make judicial decisions that would govern that town or community.  We all nodded our heads in agreement starting to understanding what he was sharing with us.  Then he said that’s not it.  Even with the town and communities layer he said there is something else that was a given in those days and crucial for our system of government to work.   He drew 7 circles above the state and federal layer and said these are essential to keep every area in a true checks and balance system and are above in importance then the federal and state government.  Blasphemy, I know!   They are government, business, church, family, education, media, community.   If you just have family running things, that is called the mafia.  If you only have government, that is called communism.  If you only have the church, that was called the dark ages.  They are all important and equal or at least should be.  As soon as the family can’t decide how to discipline their kids and the government starts to tell you how, then you have begun to slide down the slippery slope of lost freedoms.

The most important issue that Oliver raised was that if you don’t have the top layer and the bottom  layer working then it doesn’t matter what happens in the federal and state layer, it will not work.  Have you ever wondered why no matter who is in office or which party runs the house and senate it seems that things always end up just about the same. Or I should say, they continue to get worse.   Well, as Oliver stated, “You now know how to speak Anglo-Saxon”. At least my attempt to teach you.  The business I am associated with and my mentor Orrin Woodward believe very strongly in educating people on these concepts.

GOD Bless

2 Days until the launch of www.the-life-business.com

We are approaching the launch of LIFE founded by Orrin Woodward and Chris Brady.   This has been a long and laborious journey to get to this point but I am sure everyone would agree that every step has been worth it. In Columbus, Ohio we are about to do something that has never been done before. We truly have a chance to be a part of history. How many chances or opportunities come along where you get to be part of a historical event. We are merging 4 different industries. Self improvement, life coaching, network marketing, and community building into one and in the process we will do something that blesses the millions of people who decide to join with us.

When these type of events happen it is always interesting to watch and see how people make decisions about their future. Most people tend to look at their immediate future and make decisions that will have a major impact on their long term future. We have financial issues, stress of life, time issues, babysitter issues, other people’s opinions ( who aren’t financially free ) and many others. I will save you the excuses of football, sick pets and party excuses that I have heard in the past. This weekend is designed to radically change your future. You’ll be able to hear from the 7 founders of LIFE and many other leaders that have achieved big success in the past few months. You will get all the information about the LIFE business, the web site, the pay plan and how to move forward with this information. You will also have a fantastic time because you will be with your team mates and in a very positive environment. The odd part about this is that very few people think about the future but instead think about what is happening NOW. I understand that there are powerful emotions that sway the way we think and how we feel. With that said, that doesn’t mean that we should let emotions or feelings be the only deciding factor for our future. If we let emotions and feeling determine the steps of our lives we would be a mess. I would have run many drivers off of the road, given away my kids and ate every piece of meat at Texas de Brazil. Kidding of corse, but Steven Covey talked in his best-selling book – The Seven Habits of Highly Affective People, about habit 2 and habit 3 which are, begin with the end in mind and put first things first. Robert Kiyosaki states there are 3 keys to wealth. Delayed gratification, the power of duplication, long-term thinking. We have 2 multi millionaires, that have helped many people achieve wealth, and they both say to think about the future not right now. Yet we still find it hard to make the right decision. Is it because this event is not mandatory but requires us to think through and analyze if we should or should not go? This is where the feelings and emotions that I listed above kick in and the big one – do I think this is going to work for me.

All I am saying is please don’t let the emotions and feelings of the immediate keep you from making a decision that can change your life or cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars in the future. If we had to work this weekend we wouldn’t even give it a second thought whether we should go to work. Well maybe one or two thoughts but we would still go. If we had a chance to go to a concert or sporting event we would “figure out a way”. If something broke in the house and needed to be fixed, we would “Figure out a way”. If there was something a commercial convinced us we had to have we would quickly justify why we should spend the money to get it. As a country and as individuals we have sadly let the immediate control our future. That is exactly why we are in the position we are currently in.

God Bless and cant wait to see history this weekend.

Marriage communication – why is it so difficult for us ?

Have you ever wondered why it is so difficult for humans to communicate.  Is it just me or do humans seem like they are talking all the time.  If you could follow the average person around per day and count how many words or how long they talk you would be amazed.  We all have a family member or a friend that we wish would shut it up, once in a while.  If you have kids, WOW,  just watch them.  It is amazing to see how they can go from one subject to another, to another, to another and yes to another and they don’t wear out!  I had a couple ,that we were in business with, and they had some marriage issues.  We took them to see a mentor to get some help.  Hint – if you go to see someone who can help you, you should probably listen!   This guy talked for an hour and a half straight!  I mean he did not come up for air one time.  He must have had an extra air tank hidden in his stomach lining or his kidney.  I am convinced that the strongest muscle in the human body is the jaw bone.  Now I must qualify all my statements with the knowledge that I don’t speak very much at all.  As a matter of fact I could go days without talking and be perfectly fine.  OK let’s get to why I started all of this.

Last night me and the Mrs. had to have a talk about something that happened between us.   It wasn’t fun but it was very productive and we have a better understanding of how each of us sees the issue.  Oh, guys, this talk didn’t happen after laying in bed for  3 hours feeling the tension, then finally falling asleep, and then hearing those words that all males loves to hear.  “Can we talk”?  AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!   That is how all our talks used to start.  They also used to be championship fights of: who could protect their turf, call the best names, make the other person feel the worst, and throw in some belittling and  disrespect.  The crazy part was we never consciously thought about trying to do those things.  We didn’t start our talk and have the thought,  I cant wait to make her or him feel like garbage.  Actually, we were both trying to get to same end point but we had lots of obstacles in our way that made the conversations more difficult than they should be.  If you get rid of the obstacles then it becomes easy to have a conversation like we did last night.

The key foundation of any relationship has to be established on moral authority and speed of trust.  When you don’t have that, every conversation will go bad.  When you do have it every conversation will have the potential of going well.  There are obviously other unique things, to us individually, that we need to work on as well.  Last nights conversation was one of working together as a team to problem solve something.  Which is what you are when you are in a marriage.  You are 2 different people, different personalities, different weakness’ and strengths but you are a team, you are one.  At the beginning of our marriage we were two people living together and we defiantly didn’t think of it as being one person.    In the beginning I didn’t have moral authority because there were some blatant sins that I needed to deal with.  Until those were solidified our foundation would have been on sand and all other changes in myself wouldn’t have the same impact.  Then I had to start dealing with my selfish nature.  Instead of looking at everything from my angle and how it affected me.  I had to understand that she had an angle also and try to see from her side.  Initially we couldn’t have that kind of communication face to face.  We would go to different parts of the house to cool off and call each other on our cell phone.  Stupid, I know, but it worked for us.  Then we started to build trust with each other and that allowed us to admit areas that we knew we were weak in.  I had to learn that when she was weak, crying or sad that was not the time to get mad but that was the time to comfort her and let her know that we would overcome this challenge.  It seems like it was more complicated than that but it wasn’t.  We just kept doing that process over and over again.  Lots of times we had to have our mentors involved so they could help us see where our thinking was off.  In the beginning we changed just because we were more worried about letting our mentors down then changing for each other. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that this was a quick or easy process.  It  has taken us 5 to 7 years to get to a really solid foundation.

Lets go through some basic thoughts to get  you moving in the right direction.  Side note – these don’t have to be big huge jumps or changes.  Every big success is a bunch of small success put together.  Forgot where I got that one so it is now a Bill Lewis original.   Most of what I am going to recommend revolves around reading.  Confucius says, ” By three methods we may learn wisdom:  first, by reflection, which is noblest: second by imitation, which is the easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.  Reading allows you to reflect on yourself.

1. You have to start working on yourself – if you have moral flaws or trust issues  with yourself then growing with another flawed person is going to be really hard.  Recommended books: How to win friends and influence people,  What to say when you talk to yourself, Speed of trust,  Bringing out the best in people, Leadership and self-deception, The pursuit of holiness.                                                                                             These should help start to identify things about yourself that we need to work on.

2. Love language – find out how your partner wants them to be filled, not how you think they want them filled.  Start doing some small things. Recommended book – 5 love languages.

3. Start to understand how each other process things.  Recommended book – DNA of relationships, love and respect, 5 languages of apology, personality plus.

4. Learn better communication tools.  Recommended books – crucial conversation, courage.

5. Use a mentor.  You need someone who is unemotionally involved and has results that you want

6. Read the bible.  Every issue we have in marriage communication reverts back to some sin we have in our life.

There is so much that goes into this topic that you could devote an entire blog just to this subject.  So I recommend that you seek out as much information as you can and continue to grow and become better.

God Bless